Tuesday Tussles, Nov 30
A dozen-odd Unusual Decks to Stir-Up your LoR Ladder With.
The Pilgrims Road’s neon sign sizzles and flickers in the foggy evening like fireflies dancing among marsh mist.
You climb to your stool, wondering where Jericho may be. The few other patrons scattered around the pub all have their glasses full – the barman can’t be far away.
He’s even left his stainless-steel cocktail shaker over the tattered bar. Like a child left alone with a precious chalice, your fingers gently turn the shaker around to show the familiar golden plaque, with the Legna & Balco – Numeromancers inscription engraved on its gleaming surface.
“Don’t touch if you ain’t buying, chief,” says Jericho, his head popping up from under the bar.
“Oh, sure am buying,” you reply. “Unless you’re saying ‘this one’s on the house’?”
The steel shaker dances in his fingers, impatient as Ionian blades facing a Noxian onslaught. “Can’t for the first drink, chief. Nor the second. House rules.” His eyes gleam, reflecting the golden plaque. “But, you know, third’s the charm, or so they say… So, what should we start with?”
“Well… I’ve been to Armand’s Armory, took a glance to all his big weapons. Nothing there I could put up with.” You glance at the beer taps to your left, each made from a different metal: iron, bronze, silver, gold…
“… still, I think I may make the push to my next rank, so: anything that can reliably get me there without grinding my mind to dust?”
He smiles. “While crushing slaves underfoot, you mean?”
“I wouldn’t mind making some meta mincers’ life miserable in the process, no…”
***
He places a big bottle of Blue Hammer over the bar…
“C’mon, Jericho! I ask you for something off-meta, and first thing you grab is Poppy?”
… followed by a small vial of Razzle Dazzle.
You raise an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Really, chief. New hot thing at the top of this town: Curious Lux. With a dash of Poppy, yes.” He gently raps one of the beer taps. “You wanna get there, this will get you there. 55%-plus mix, removing one Minimorph and adding one Laurent Protégé. Seems to be doing wonders.”
“Headaches warnings I should be aware of?”
“Bandle Tree’s will split your head, boss. Dragons, Plunder, Lurkers and Poppy Ziggs are bad too. But Zoe Lee Sin, Ping City and Draven Sion, along with a bunch of weaker stuff, you should have no problem with.
***
“If you don’t wanna see me juggling that Blue Hammer bottle, chief, but still want to get the job done with an odd mix… there’s always Feel Da Minah. 55%-plus .”
“Same as last week?”
“Same brew; but pulling such consistent results I wouldn’t call it risky anymore. Still hard to find, though, so if you really want to crush folks underfoot, this is the mix. Just remember that blends with Poppy, and Zoe Lee Sin could give you a headache, though.”
Alright, say I want to dip a bit on the risky side; what do you have more me?
“Well,” he smiles, “since you ask…”
***
He grabs again the big Blue Hammer bottle, and a flask of Ionian Spirits.
You frown. “Cut the crap, Jericho. You serve me a Rally Elusive mix, you get minus one customer. I mean it.”
“Even if we add a single droplet of Judgment Day, chief?”
“Whoa, wait… you cannot mean making it midrange…”
“Sure can, chief. Lulu Poppy Midrange, here you go. 54% mix, and yes, there’s two drops of rally there. It’s a Demacian mix; it’s like asking me not to add Sharpsight. Anyway: goes down well with Poppy Ziggs, Zoe Lee Sin and Thralls; also Akshan Sivir. Lux blends are a pain, same as Bandle Tree, Darkness and Draven Sion.”
***
“But, I get it, chief, I do.” He mixes vodka, pepper, salt, adds generous amounts of ice…
“Holy crap, Jericho. Don’t do this, don’t give me hope.”
… pours a bucketload of blood-red Noxian hot sauce…
“You crazy mother hugger, you are doing it…!”
He grins like a demon as he offers you the broad glass. “Braum Vladmir, on the rocks.”
You take a sip. The bittersweet taste of longing for what never happened.
“Just when you thought this season had nothing new to show, eh chief?”
“Well, technically speaking this ain’t new at all…”
“Oldest trick in the barman’s book, boss: stop serving something for long enough, it will eventually become the shiny new toy. Don’t get your hopes too high, though: you’ll get a monster hangover if you mix with Poppy Zed or Ziggs, Lurkers, Dragons and Darkness. But it can crush weaker decks, has a really easy time against Ping City, and can hold its own against Plunder.”
***
“We have Ziggs Swain back on the menu, by the way.”
“You’ve tweaked it a bit, haven’t you?”
“Yeah.” He fakes a grave voice. “’I’ll end this’. Cool line, but wasn’t working.”
“I thought you said this was a bit weak against the field?”
“Last week? Sure was. Now? Looks like it’s kicking like an angry mule. Best part? Chews Rally Elusives like a sad chicks through chocolate.”
A’ight, forget those damned beer taps – what’s the weirdest stuff you’ve got?
He chuckles. “Don’t pull a tantrum on me, chief. I don’t make the meta, I just serve the drinks…”
***
Up again comes the Blue Hammer bottle. “Before you start complaining, chief, just hear me out: Poppy Zoe. Like, you sure haven’t played that much Targon this Season, have you?”
“And I guess that yapping Yordle from Hell makes Targon playable?”
He shrugs, and lift his palms.
“Is it any good?”
He raises an eyebrow. “Do you want risky or not? But, yes, packs a punch.”
***
“If you’re down for something bubbly, Fizz Nami is still an option.”
“Wasn’t a fluke, then?”
“Apparently not. Not strong against the Big Boys, though: dies to Poppy Ziggs ‘n’ Zed, Darkness is tough, Gangplank is rough but doable with a bit of luck. But has an easy time against Taliyah Ziggs, Thralls, Lulu Poppy, Akshan Sivir and Lurkers.”
“Why do people keep playing that crap, anyway? Lurkers, I mean.”
“You’re the one asking me for crazy drinks, chief.” He smiles. “You sure you need to ponder too much about why folks stick to what they like?”
***
“Now, if you wanted to play some Targon, without falling back to yappy Yordles, I may have something for you: not new, really, but getting traction as of late, Aurelion Sol/Thresh.”
“Well, nothing better than a big-ass Space Dragon to make my Timmy heart glad!”
“May make your heart spike with joy, too, chief. Plunder, Darkness, and Dragons are tough – and if you find Yordles hugging a tree, you’re gonna cry a river of blood. But it’s very good into Draven Sion, Ping City and Poppy Ziggs. And can hold its own against Poppy Zed.”
***
“If you want something with a lot of ice…” Cubes clink into a wide glass. “And don’t mind a few hairs in your drink…”
“Do I really want to know where this is going, Jericho?”
“… Frozen Leblanc, here you go!”
“Hehe… I would had never pictured the Rose as, well, you know… hairy.”
“Me neither, chief. But the yetis she comes with, them sure don’t shave much, let me tell you. Don’t mix with Draven Sion, Lurkers, Plunder or Bandle Tree. On the other had, Thralls, Ping City, Akshan Sivir and Taliyah Ziggs, that’s smooth sailing.
***
“And, well, you know what I think, chief.” He produces a flask of Broken Blade. “When bored and in doubt, mix Riven with whatever floats your boat. In this case, Akshan Riven.”
“Hum! Well, I can sure see why Fragments and Warlord’s Palace would mix well, to be honest…”
He nods. “Some of the other customers were keenly interested in this mix. Still trying to get the proportions right, though; if you take this blend for a spin, let me know how it worked out for you.”
***
“And, well, this one’s on the house. An import, if you will; just arrived from the Far East: Frozen Jayce.”
You chuckle. “Do I have to worry about hairs in my drink this time?”
“Actually, in here, you don’t. Coworker two streets down, at the Blind Luck Pub, is mixing it with Elnuks though. But I find this here mix to have the most kick.”
Some hard-kicking brews later…
… the fog has lifted outside The Pilgrims Road.
Tuesday has smoothed its jagged etch, and Wednesday is a long while from arriving.
Night’s still young. There are brews to try!