LoR Tuesday Tussles
Pick your poison -- Fourteen top-performing brews, from the rather common to the quite exotic, for a sip of mid-week LoR Ladder climb.
You enter The Pilgrims’ Road like a parched man reaching an oasis.
Mondays are messy, and Tuesdays are tough, but you’re safe now – time to catch your breath and gather your bearings, blow off some steam and recharge your batteries before Wednesday comes hitting like a battering ram.
You climb to your stool, plant both elbows on the greasy bar.
Jericho approaches you with a knowing glint in his eyes. “Tough Tuesday, eh?” He grabs a stainless-steel cocktail shaker, with a golden plaque that reads Legna & Balco – Numeromancers. “Time to change the tune, then.”
“So, tell me, chief,” he smiles. The stainless-steel shaker whirls like a gunslinger’s gun, eager to draw. “What will it be?”
You look at him and say…
“Make me somethin with that new drink—the one everybody’s talking about?”
“Oh,” he says, as he reaches for a six-sided bottle. “Okay; mix with shiny new toy, coming up.”
“This would be what most folks are after today,” he says, pouring the mix into a six-sided glass. “Can’t say I’d recommend it myself: it’s shiny, it’s new, but after the first taste it’s just a fairly mild 50.7% brew.”
“I don’t want a hangover tomorrow, Jericho,” you say, “or a heartburn. Anything I shouldn’t mix this with?”
“Well, this will go down easy with Thralls, and won’t hurt you with Gangplank Sejuani and Swain Teemo,” he says. “All the other big boys will be a big headache, chief. As I’ve said: it’s what everybody is drinking, not what I would recommend.”
Elise Vi Jayce
“And I would say the same for this mix,” he says. “It’s new, it’s shiny, but it’s also a pretty mild 50% drink.”
“A fountain of headeaches if you mix this with Thralls, Akshan Sivir, Draven Sion or Lurkers,” he says. “But goes very well with the most popular Poppy brews, and Gangplank brews shouldn’t be too big of a bother.”
“How about that other mix I’ve heard about?” you ask. “Progress Day, I think they call it?”
“We’ve got standards here, chief,” he replies. “I don’t serve Elnuk dung in my bar.”
“I think I’ve had enough fancy crap for today, Jericho—gimme something that works.”
“I thought you’d know the workhorse we serve here by heart already,” he says, handing you a greasy drink list. “These are the powerhouses I have in stock; all drinks above 53.4% winrate and 1% playrate.”
Ice cubes clink into the glass. “You know what I think,” Jericho says. “Ain’t a real drink if it you ain’t feeling a freezing rush going down your throat.”
“You want something that works, chief? Save Rally Elusives and Thralls, this goes down well with everything. Or at least everything that you may bump into more than twice.”
Zed Poppy, aka Rally Elusives
The glass, and the drink in it, are so translucent as to be invisible. “Careful, chief,” he says. “This one hits like a truck, and then keeps hitting, and hitting, and hitting.”
“Don’t mix this with Swain Teemo, Gangplank Twisted Fate, or Draven Sion,” he warns . “Other than that, if you’re looking to go wild tonight, you can go wild with this one.”
“Come on, Jericho… I’ve told you I’ve had enough fancy bullshit for today.”
“Sorry, chief,” he says. His lighter sets your drink aflame. “Bartender’s oath – can’t serve this one if it ain’t burning. But, trust me: it works.”
“Twisted Fate Gangplank, Draven Sion, Akshan Sivir… those are the ones you don’t want to be mixing with,” he says. “If you need to nurse a hangover, you can chew Rally Elusives for breakfast.”
“I thought you didn’t serve this one anymore? Weren’t their makers requested to tone it down, because it was too strong?”
“Yep, they were,” he says. “Still kicks like a mule, and lots of patrons are asking for it.”
“Draven Sion is a no-go with this mix, chief,” he says. “And Gangplank Sejuani may give you some headaches. Smooth sailing otherwise.”
“This mix was also toned down, and has slightly less kick than it used to,” Jericho says. “But, you want something that works, this works.”
“Darkness, Thralls, and Gangplank Twisted Fate, better don’t mix with those. And Lee Sin Zoe will give you a hangover like no other. You’ll crush Poppy builds and Akshan Sivir, though.”
Bandle Tree, aka Poppy Fizz
“Don’t mess with Yordles,” he says, adding a few leaves of fresh mint to the drink. “Unless you have them on your side, as they say.”
“Mix this with Gangplank Twisted Fate, and that’d be one monstrous headache,” he says. “Same with Draven Sion and Rally Elusives. But goes down very well with Darkness, Lurkers, and Dragons.”
Twisted Fate Gangplank
“This one is the Bandle City blend, right?” you ask.
“Yeah,” he says. “If you want drinks that work, the Bandle blend is the tried and true. The Noxian blend ain’t bad, mind you. But if you want what surely works, chief… this surely works.”
“Thralls, Darkness, Akshan Sivir, stay away from those,” he says. “Lurkers, Discard and Rally Elusives, and also Poppy Ziggs, you’ll always be happy to see.”
“I think I’d like to try one of your less common cocktails…”
His eyes sparkle. “So, not afraid of me getting a bit more creative, eh?”
“Don’t go too crazy, Jericho. I still want a proper drink here.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he says, rummaging through his bottles. “Let’s see…”
“When bored,” he says, “grab whatever floats your boat and add Riven to it. Works wonders, most of the time. This one works 58%+ of the time right now.”
“Darkness will sour your drink here,” he says. “But here’s the good news: it goes well with everything else.”
Sejuani Twisted Fate
“You just can’t pour me something without ice, can you, Jericho?”
“Trust me, chief,” he says, “this one is a simphony of ice and fire. A 56% mix, or whereabouts.”
“So… good and bad mixes I should know about?”
“I wouldn’t know, chief; you wanted new, this one is pretty new.”
“I also said that I wanted a proper drink, didn’t I?”
He smirks. “It’s a proper drink alright.”
Aurelion Sol Leona
You laugh. “Naah, come on! You’re pulling my leg now… that cannot be a thing!”
“Do I look like a man that would joke about a 54%+ mix with Space Dragons in it?” He sets a refulgent drink in front of you. “Will stun you breathless; trust me.”
“Don’t want a monster hangover tomorrow, Jericho…”
“What if I tell you that Dragons, Darkness and Yordle Trees will spank you, but you can hold your own versus Yordle Burn, Rally Elusives and Discard?”
The refulgent mix flickers, as if taunting you.
“I’m not in the mood for PvE, Jericho…”
“Disrespect my establishment like that again, and you’ll be drinking in the street, chief. We serve PvP-only mixes here, and you know it.”
“But… Gauntlet Boy and Posh Police? Really?”
“The funny thing,” he says, “is that your worst headache would be mixing with Jayce Lux. And Gangplank Sejuani ain’t the best idea, either. But Discard, Rally Elusives, or Gangplank Twisted Fate… those are smooth sailing.”
“Let’s take a walk on the wild side.”
“Alright, Jericho. Hit me with the weirdest thing you’ve got.”
His grin is as wide as the bar.
“Wait… I though you said Jayce was Elnuk manure?”
“I said mixing him with Heimerdinger is crap, chief. This ain’t Arcane. But guy came the other day, said he’d seen this drink in some fancy uptown bar, described it to me pretty accurately, so, here it is.”
“Alright…” you say. “I won’t blame you here for not knowing how it blends with other stuff. Guess we’ll have to taste it and find out.”
He winks at you. “A man after my own heart, chief.”
A few drinks later…
You exit The Pilgrims’ Road light-headed and warm-hearted.
Mondays are messy, and Tuesdays are tough. And Wednesdays…
… screw Wednesdays, really.
The night is still young.
There are brews to test, and ladders to climb.
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